Managing Up - The Reality Check
Managing Up - The Reality Check
PLUS: Leading When You Don’t Have The Answers
May 24, 2026
The Prime Performance Labs team in action
(L-R): Elite Performance Advisor Kevin O’Connor, Founder Jason Leavy, Head of Brain Health and Performance Samira Cutts and Head of Executive Resilience Keith O’Malley-Farrell
“The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people.”
\- Theodore Roosevelt
I approach every session I'm involved in as an opportunity to learn and grow.
Last week in Dubai, we gave a presentation on Leading in Uncertainty for a group of some of the finest communications professionals in the region. Leaders in their own right, but also incredibly important as advisors to the senior executives they work with.
During the Q&A at the end, one of the attendees raised something that I've been thinking about ever since.
He described how his response to the current conflict in the Gulf had been characterised by exactly what we here at PPL would have described as best practice - calm, measured and considered. The problem? This had been interpreted by his boss as not caring enough.
He wasn't disengaged. He was the opposite. But in a high-energy, visibly reactive environment, his stillness was being misinterpreted and the result was friction in the relationship.
There’s a reality that while this newsletter is read by leaders, many of you still have to manage up, whether that’s to a global head, an owner or an investor. I realised this was a skill that deserved attention. Not least because in my last corporate role as global COO, based in London and reporting to the owner in Los Angeles, I learnt a harsh lesson about it.
THE SCIENCE
Let’s cut straight to the chase - power dynamics have a huge impact here. They’re spoken about as a leadership concept, but it’s important to understand they're a physiological reality.
Research published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, led by Professor Jennifer Lerner at Harvard Kennedy School, found that leaders carry measurably lower baseline cortisol than the people who report to them.
The mechanism is control. Having authority activates a genuine sense of agency, which suppresses the physiological threat response. The further down the hierarchy you sit, the less control you perceive - and the higher your cortisol runs.
What that means in practice is that when you're in the presence of someone who has genuine influence over you, whether that’s your career, your budget, or your future, your amygdala (think of this as the brain’s emotional centre) is working considerably harder than theirs is. At the same time, your prefrontal cortex (the executive function of the brain) is experiencing more pressure.
The result is that if it’s a challenging conversation, your stress response is going to be disproportionately higher.
THE PROOF
Tim Cook joined Apple in 1998 when the company was on the brink of collapse. What made his relationship with Steve Jobs work across more than a decade was a simple but disciplined principle: make yourself indispensable on the boss's terms, not your own.
Jobs's obsession was the product. Cook's became everything that allowed the product to exist, such as supply chain, manufacturing and operational infrastructure. He solved the problems Jobs didn't want to think about, with such precision that Jobs trusted him without needing to understand how. He never challenged Jobs's domain or competed with his identity.
Jobs, notoriously dismissive of executives who didn't deliver, handed Cook the reins months before his death (and what a stellar job he’ll have done when he steps down in September).
The contrast is Michael Ovitz. When Ovitz arrived at Disney in 1995 as president, he was one of the most powerful figures in Hollywood, a man whom studios and stars had spent decades managing up to. The number two role under Michael Eisner required a fundamental recalibration. He couldn't make it.
Ovitz arrived with his own agenda, his own ideas, his own vision for the company. When Eisner blocked them, he pushed harder. He never learned to frame what he wanted in terms of what Eisner needed. Within months he was being excluded from key meetings. In his own words, delivered under oath in court testimony years later: “I was cut out like cancer.” Fourteen months after arriving, he was gone.
Eisner was a difficult boss by any measure, and there's a credible case that Ovitz was also undermined by other executives working against him from the start. But that complexity doesn't diminish the lessons.
Cook and Ovitz were operating in the same world, under the same pressures that every leader managing up faces. One adapted. One didn't. And the skills that separate them - the ability to be curious, adopt an adaptive mindset, and genuinely empathise with the person above you - remain as relevant as ever.
THE APPLICATION
Work at your level is demanding, complex and tough. So when there is additional friction with someone who has influence over you, there can be a strong temptation to shut down. That rarely works as those emotions fester and the issue goes unresolved.
Managing upwards can be extremely challenging. But if you reframe it as a puzzle to solve, rather than seeing it as a threat, your brain will adapt accordingly.
There's no 1-size-fits-all playbook for managing up - every relationship has its own dynamics and complexity. But our grounding in science and evidence means there are some universal principles worth exploring in the context of your reality:
- Curiosity - it’s natural and instinctive to hyperfocus solely on how you're feeling. As hard as it is, intentionally seek to understand what's going on in their world. Empathy directed upward - understanding their triggers, their pressures, what they need from the relationship - is the foundation everything else is built on.
- Courage - the perceived threat caused by friction in the relationship frequently leads to a shutdown in communication when what’s actually needed is the bravery to address the issues before they build. Don’t think of this as a conflictual situation, reframe it through the lens of collaboration - in sharing your perspective honestly and being curious about theirs, you’re inviting them to work with you and support you.
- Clarity \- regular contact upwards as a proactive measure before things escalate builds trust and removes ambiguity. Be specific and clearly articulate the why as well as the how.
- Compromise - Any high-performing team understands the power of compromise. Be rigorous about examining where you can modify your behaviour in service to the collective. Be curious about what’s causing your discomfort - can you reframe it as a growth opportunity?
- Care - I worked hard in my last corporate role to bridge a gap that only one of us wanted to close. It took me to the brink of burnout. All successful relationships are bidirectional and no technique fixes a fundamentally broken dynamic. In that situation, you need to focus on controlling your controllables and protecting your boundaries - treat your emotions as data points so you can take practical steps to protect yourself from the resulting stress.
- Choice - your power is acceptance. I don’t mean this in the passive sense. I spent far too long burning through time and energy on a doomed quest to strengthen the relationship rather than accepting there was a fundamental misalignment in our values. I was like a boxer on the ropes shipping punishment for far too long. Ultimately I realised I had agency over my situation, not him. I resigned and took back my power. This should always be the last resort, but never forget that as hard as it is, you always have choices. No-one is coming to save you. You are the one who has agency over your life.
A final thought: understanding all of this can make you a better leader.
The science we opened with runs both ways. The people reporting to you are carrying a cortisol load you almost certainly underestimate. That person who seems flat in your one-to-one, who stumbles through their update, who you've quietly started to wonder about - they may not be disengaged or lacking conviction. They may simply be stressed in your presence in a way they haven't yet learned to manage.
Before you make that judgement, ask yourself: have you made it easy for them to show you who they really are?
🔥 LIVE BETTER, LEAD BETTER
The best content I researched this week:
A hectic week on the road meant I didn’t have the dedicated time to focus on research this week.
However, speaking of brilliant communicators, we were fortunate enough to have Benjamin Schroeder, Chief Communications Officer at Al-Futtaim Group, in the room with us in Dubai. His recent article on leading when you don't have the answers is essential reading for any senior executive or entrepreneur, in my opinion.
He puts it better than I could with this closer: “Uncertainty doesn't require perfect leadership. It requires present leadership. Stay close. Stay clear. Stay human.”
Share this with a fellow leader - we’re stronger together.
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